pineslog | there must be some kind of way outta here

[ Mixing drinks has got to be easier than pretending to be a fully trained mechanic. It's just memorizing ingredients and putting them together. Easy, right?

Apparently it's not that simple, and that's why Bucky's been relegated to slinging beer and shots while his coworker at Weaver's handles everything else. But tonight, he's going to learn. After last call, after the last straggler's vacated their bar stool and the two of them lock the place up, Eliot's going to teach him the ways of mixing a proper drink.

Now, if only he'd stop referring to Bucky with a string of pet names ranging from 'minion' to 'grasshopper' (what does that even mean?) ]

[ He hates communicating on the town-wide message board. And between his general distaste for it and Kenzi's alcohol-garbled distress, Bucky doesn't even have to hesitate before he decides to drop what he's doing and walk to her house-- her new house, that is, with the two very fashionable men.

He may not have been there before, when she needed him, but he's here now. He's not gonna let her down again.

When he gets to the house, Bucky knocks on the door, calling out: ]

Kenzi? It's me, the giant idiot.

Edited 2017-06-17 00:55 (UTC)

[There's a loooong grooooooaaaaaaaaaaan that can be heard from somewhere in the vicinity of the door before a small thud, followed by a LARGER thud, more groaning, tinier thuds, and then the door opens to reveal his tiny, fake cousin leaning against the doorframe while staring up at him trying to look in control of her life.

She does not look in control of her life.]

The giantest most idiot there is. [But he's here. He showed up. She didn't even have to ask, he just came over. That deserves a pathetic, wet-octopus of a hug where she just kind of clings to him while pouting.] I'm fine, dude. I'm doing GREAT! I'm so amazing right now? Single and ready to--- ...

[She trails off. Goes quiet. Bites her lip. Finally, she speaks up.] He didn't even own up to his shit.

[ It sounds like walking... is an ordeal right now. Actually, when Kenzi opens the door, it looks like existing is an ordeal. And though he manages to keep it together when he's around others, he's been in this position before, looking just as bad.

Worse, probably. Allow him to return the hug, holding her close with his human arm. ]

I didn't really know him. [ The admission comes out soft-spoken. ] But I can't say I'm surprised. [ After a beat, he adds: ] I'm sorry. I should've...

[ Gotten her away from Rumlow sooner? Been there when she needed him, instead of... in jail or blacked out because he can't keep his fists to himself? He just lets it trail off, unsure of where to go with the apology. ]

[Everything is an ordeal right now. She's been steadily getting worse since she found out what Rumlow was a part of and what kind of a man he really was. Keeping herself together had become a frequently used skill over the years, but she was starting to unravel. Her hope is dying. Why keep up these pretenses when they're all stuck here and no one is who they say they are?]

You tried to warn me. You all did. I just didn't wanna believe it.

[She tightens her hold on him, hiding her face against his shirt until she can calmly pull away and stare up at him with a neutral expression.]

I knew he was too perf to actually be real. Buck, what if he flips. I mean, he did flip, but what if he goes after you or Steve or Nat? That's on me!

[ He should've done more than warn, though. That's where he keeps kicking himself. He thought it might minimize the potential risks to her safety to keep a sort of precarious detente for a while, but he was so stupid to. All his waiting did was further tangle Kenzi up with a HYDRA agent.

But he won't let her down now. ]

It's not on you. [ It's strange to be on this end of such a conversation, considering the exchange he had with Steve mere hours before the two of them woke up in the hospital here in Wayward Pines.

('I don't know if I'm worth all this, Steve.' And even as Steve assured him that he wasn't to blame for what happened, all he could say was, 'I know. But I did it.')

But Kenzi isn't him. She's not the one holding any gun. Anything Rumlow does, anything he chooses to be, Kenzi isn't to blame. ]

It's not. [ He's firm as he repeats it, looking into Kenzi's eyes with open, honest sincerity. Here he is, the real Bucky Barnes, no pretenses of playing any role for the cameras. ] Whatever he does, it's not your fault. And if he tries anything, we can take him.

Edited 2017-06-18 00:26 (UTC)

[She wants to believe Bucky more than anything, but it's hard to let go of that blame and self loathing. She should have known better, she should have been more careful, she should have listened and questioned and kept her distance instead of falling into this carefully crafted fantasy life with the big house and the gorgeous husband. It's not that she didn't know it was all bullshit, it's the fact that she wanted to believe in it so badly that she let herself ignore every warning sign there was.

He never hurt her, but he was using her. He didn't act against the people she cares about here, but he would have if it got him what he wanted. She wanted to believe that she was capable and worth something, but when she gave Rumlow the choice, he wouldn't even try.

Maybe she should have kept playing along. Maybe she should have taken him out or something, isn't that what agents do? She's not one of them. She doesn't have the skills or the brains. She's a liability.]

How do you... keep it together like that? How are you so sure and so calm and so... good when people like him forced you to be their murderslave and took away all the shiz that made you Bucky? Now we're here and it's like you gotta go through it all over again with the memories and...

[Kenzi wipes at her eyes, shaking her head and taking a step back. Do NOT lose it on him, you drunken mess.]

Can you teach me how to be like you? Like... effective. And awesome. And-- I mean, you don't owe me shit. We aren't even related, but... I'd probably be a way better person if we were?

[ Bucky drops his gaze, working the inside of his cheek between his teeth as he considers how to respond, just how open he ought to be. ]

I'm not. I don't... [ He hesitates, because god, it's hard, finding the right words. It's easier when he has something or somebody else to focus on, rather than himself and the memories of what he's done. Every single life he's ended and the collateral damage, spanning decades, that shaped the world in all the worst ways. He forces himself to look at Kenzi, a small, sad smile on his face. ] You've only seen the good stuff. And you don't want to be like me.

[ What-- who-- he is, is the product of too many factors: a lot of good (like Steve, like his parents, like the Howlies), but so much bad. He'd never wish the brutality that went into making Bucky Barnes on anybody else.

He draws in a breath, running a hand through his hair. ] But I can teach you how to fight, if you want. And... how to keep a cool head in a crisis. Watch your surroundings. Things like that. So you don't feel so helpless. It's not a matter of owing you. [ His smile's more open now, reassuring, and he reaches out to lightly slug her in the shoulder. ] You're still family to me, kid.

Edited 2017-06-18 23:28 (UTC)

[She does, though, Bucky. She wants to be like you so badly. Strong, capable, basically a hero. That's how she sees him. The world isn't all good guys and bad guys, black and white, she knows this. She's seen it with the fae. Dark isn't always pitch black and light isn't always squeaky clean, but the more good shit you put out into the world? The better that world is. So what if she's only seen the good stuff, that's just because he's only DOING good stuff now.

Despite everything, despite how fucked up she feels inside, she gets ... excited. She grins! Nice and bright, almost bouncing at the prospect of Bucky showing her some actual, usable skills that could keep her and the people she cares about safe! .... Safer. Moderately-- look, it would buy them time because Rumlow sure as hell wouldn't be expecting her to know how to throw a punch.

The grin turns positively radiant when he says that last part. He punches her shoulder and calls her kid and everything! Like one of those old timey baseball movies or a Coca Cola commercial.]

Guess that means we gotta stick together. Look out for each other. Not get thrown in jail for starting riots or whatever the hell you were doing.

... It should probably also mean that I ... am less drunk. All of the time. I'm really drunk, Bucky. [And she's really sorry!] I'm gonna not... do that. Anymore. Scout's honour.

[Kenzi, you were never even IN the scouts!]

there must be some kind of way outta here

Weaver's | June 9 | Closed [Eliot]

Chez Crazypants | June 10 | Closed [Kenzi]

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