I don't understand at best, and cannot speak for all the rest

[ouzel]

Who: Cassian Andor (¿y ustedes?)
Where: ALL AROUND TOWN. Seriously. Pick a spot, I'll come up with a reason for him to be there.
When: May 7th - May 14th
What: This is an open catchall, y'all. There will be starters in threads as they come to me, but feel free to make your own! Come meet the man, the myth, the Go Ask Alice employee.
Warnings: None, yet. Will put specific warnings in comment headers.
[Open]

Comments

[ouzel]

Why not?

[ Thank you for opening the door, Jyn. Cassian smiles at her before moving on through to the kitchen and setting the bags down on the counter.

The chocolate gets fished out first, and handed to her without comment. ]

[realists]

Because I can close my eyes. [ duh, cassian. she let's him put her food away like he owns the place, leaning against the counter and she squints at the box of chocolates briefly before... she just cracks it open to inspect further. ]

[ouzel]

Ah. [ Cassian could tell her that eyelids are fragile things and that she could still benefit from sunglasses, but he thinks he'll just...leave that battle for another day.

She gets to be outside and make these decisions and he isn't going to nitpick her about it.

Instead he starts putting things away, making sure everything she uses is actually within her reach and everything he uses for her just above that, and trying not to look as though he watching her interact with this chocolate box. ]

[realists]

[ jyn is methodical. the box is set on the counter and she inspects the card with the selection map on it curiously, noting the different flavors in the different spots. what the fuck is nougat and why does she want to put that in her mouth? automatically she slots each flavor into a category: sounds good, sounds gross, ambivalent.

she starts with the gross sounding ones. first up: fruit and nut caramel, selected because that's just too much. jyn takes a bite, chews, and immediately throws the rest of the chocolate in the trash. NOPE. ]

That is disgusting.

[ouzel]

[ Cassian makes a sad microexpression at the discarded chocolate, but he's fussed at Rhiannon enough (and looked away more than he's fussed, honestly) to have more than a few reservations about fetching it from the trash to investigate it.

Besides, maybe he can rescue the next poor reject. At least long enough to determine if he rejects it as well. ]

Try another? [ He'll even actually start pulling things together for dinner while she does this. The goal here is to figure out which ones she likes. ]

[realists]

[ her nose wrinkles as she selects the next chocolate from the probably gross category: roman nougat. whatever the kriff that is. she takes a bite, rolling the chewy, fruity nougat around in her mouth. while the fruit and nut caramel was gross, jyn doesn't mind the little slivers of almonds tucked into the nougat.

she sets the other half back in the box. ] Not disgusting. Pass me a beer?

[ouzel]

Noted. [ He pries open the cap of a bottled porter before handing it over, moving on towards cutting board and organizing foodstuffs in heating order. After a second he grabs a beer for himself, too. ] Thanks for letting me do this.

[ Admitting she's letting him do anything might be a poor move, on his part. He's decided it's worth the risk. ]

[realists]

I'm hungry. [ she's brushing it off instead of ignoring it, but she fidgets uncomfortably, taking a sip of her beer. as much as she likes her privacy and her personal space, with cassian she doesn't... care. which also makes her supremely uncomfortably but she's really good at ignoring things.

they don't know each other. it shouldn't be this easy and it is. ]

You like making food. 'cause you're weird. [ she smiles the tiniest bit around the beer. teasing shouldn't come so naturally either, and yet. ]

[ouzel]

Yep. [ He likes making food 'cause he's weird. He likes making food because he's never been in a position to make food for other people and it's the epitome of taking care of someone else without making it about what they owe you. Everyone eats. Plain and simple.

It's neither plain nor simple, but whatever. ]

Your friend is a weirdo, sorry to say.

[realists]

Do you think this place has made you different? [ cutting to the quick, honestly, but she's curious and now she has the chance to be. ] I mean, aside from our lives before not leaving much time for... living, do you think you're different here?

[ he has a life here, one he remembers, a life different from the one that made the man she knew and trusted and. something. maybe it's silly, asking when she barely knows herself, but she's emboldened by the beer in her hand. if she doesn't like the answers she can drink them away.

and it's easier, when he's doing prep and not looking right at her like he knows all her worst parts and still wants to cook her dinner and introduce her to mindless tv. ]

[ouzel]

I've made different choices. [ That is true, he knows, but her question begs a different sort of consideration. ] I want to say yes, because of those choices I've made, but that's... [ He frowns, and takes a sip of his drink. ] I've tried to be a better person, to...be less lethal.

But I am still that person who makes those choices because he wants to be seen differently than he would be otherwise. Does that make sense? People see me differently here, but I'm not...I'm only able to really change so much. I still count the windows and the exits. I still look at people and wonder what they would do if they had their backs against the wall. My blaster is always in reach. That tells me no matter what choices I make from here on out, I'm still that person at the end of the day...just that person trying to have a little less blood on their hands going forward.

So I guess not. Not really.

[realists]

[ jyn shakes her head the tiniest bit, feeling the urge to correct him. correct him on the topic of him. ] You started making those choices before. You chose to-- you tried to protect my father.

[ouzel]

I -- [ wasn't successful were about to be the next two words out of his mouth and Cassian quickly rethinks that decision. ] I tried, and when you confronted me about my lying, I essentially told you that you were imagining it instead of owning up to my own failings.

That's not a great track record.

[realists]

I was in shock, [ she echoes softly. her anger doesn't well up again, but even then it had been grief fueling her, consuming her. she'd felt like she was being crushed by it and cassian was an acceptable target, an easy target after the way he flinched away from bodhi's quiet inquiry of her father's whereabouts.

her memories are so hazy in some places, but so clear in all the moments she wishes she could forget. instead she can still feel her father's feather light body in her arms, smell the rain and the blood and the chemical scent of the starch that kept his uniform so crisp, the feel of his weak fingers against her cheek. she remembers the dirt under her nails and the long grass tickling her cheeks when the man in white ordered her mother's death, the crackle of blaster fire from the black suited troopers. she remembers the feel of saw's blood spilling out of so many wounds on tamsye prime, the acrid scent of burned flesh and his terrible keens of pain.

and she remembers shouting at cassian, calling him no better than a storm trooper even though he had disobeyed direct orders, because she wanted him to be in the same pain she was. jyn isn't going to apologize now, or probably ever, but she isn't going to let him diminish the act now that her grief is less inescapable. ]

We've all done things we're not proud of.

[ouzel]

Most of my life has been a very long list of things I'm not proud of.

[ It's easy to say that to her. Harder to admit that it really changed with her, her father, the Death Star. A threat bigger than all of them -- and for what, asks the bitter part of himself? Just for the Empire to go ahead and build another, to take her father's work and wipe entire planets off of star charts in the name of absolute power.

Cassian runs a hand through his hair. ]

You were suffering, and my lies did nothing to mitigate that. You may have been angry but that doesn't mean you weren't right.

[realists]

You're right. [ it feels cruel to say that now and she twists the beer in her hands, drinking a large, fortifying gulp. this is a lot, maybe too much, but she's already started down this road, she can't stop now. ]

But you came back for me. With Saw and my father.

[ and that softened a lot. ]

[ouzel]

[ Does it balance, he wonders? All those lives lost, do they hold considerable counterweight against one woman?

It wasn't just Jyn, though. It was the mission, the Death Star. Wasn't it?

It wasn't just the Death Star. It was Jyn and refusing to leave her behind, to deal with it alone.

Cassian frowns at his own drink. Quietly:]

Siempre regresaré por ti si puedo.

I'm glad you don't hate me. [ Though she probably should. He takes a drink to chase that thought out of his mouth before it takes shape. ]

[realists]

[ she can barely say 'lo siento', cassian, how is she meant to understand all that. she can tell the sentiment is soft, though, and she leans over to tap the neck of his bottle with hers. ]

I don't hate you, [ she reaffirms, before adding as a tension breaker: ] I hate beets.

[ouzel]

[ She's just meant to hear it, because understanding happens later. Mostly Cassian just needed to say it.

Then she mentions beets and he has to snort. ]

Okay, fair.

It doesn't taste like beets, though. Tastes like sugar. Because it is sugar.

[realists]

No. [ even if she believes him, she's never going to give in out of stubbornness alone. ]

This is sugar. [ she picks up the second half of the roman nougat, gesturing vaguely with it before holding it out for him. ] Try it.

[ouzel]

[ Cassian peers at the chocolate like he's not sure what to do with it (spoiler alert: his brain unhelpfully suggested that he not use his hands, because he's trying to cut things, and then proceeded to short circuit a little) before reaching out and plucking it from her fingers and popping it into his mouth. ]

Not bad. [ He won't point out that it might have beet sugar. He sure isn't going to check the ingredient list to find out, either. ] All I've tried so far is what's at the bakery. [ You know. Taste testing cookies, cupcakes, that sort of thing. ]

[realists]

[ fun fact: jyn would have just popped it in his mouth without question because his hands are busy making her dinner and she is here for the food situation. ]

It doesn't count if you make it. [ she selects a coconut one, no helpfully supplied basic knowledge to tell her what the hell a coconut is. she looks at it warily. luckily she doesn't mind asking: ] What's coconut?

[ouzel]

[ If it doesn't count if he made it then a whole lot of opportunities just opened themselves up to him.

Plus, now, he can experiment and see what she likes! As long as he vehemently denies any use of beet sugar. ]

It's a fruit? Tree fruit. Sweet. Comes in chunks, shredded, flakes, and I think it's in a brown husk, pretty decent sized.

[ He nods at the candy. ] Should be worth trying. If not I'll take it.

[realists]

[ jyn regards the chocolate with suspicion but like with the first two she bites it in half, chewing thoughtfully. after another moment, she pops the rest in her mouth. ]

You can have the other one. [ coconut = success ]

[ouzel]

Only half. [ Because the chocolate was for her! So he will take 1/2 pieces and rejects only, please and thank you. ] What else is in there?