let's believe in something small [open and closed]

[toten_sie]

Who: Randel + others, possibly Randel + you!
Where: Lotus Street Animal Shelter, A Certain Lake, Around Town, Grocery Store
When: after that first week in town
What: a couple of 'reunions', a cat cafe, and business to do
Warnings: none so far


[closed to Pepper]
He's been looking for familiar things and comfortable places and for some reason, that's brought him to a small lake. It's brought him there a few times, actually, almost frustrating in how tantalizingly close it seems like he might be to getting something familiar. But it's during one of those walks that he spots someone else... and his legs are moving before he even realizes that he knows her name.

"Pepper?"


[closed to Izumi]
He's taken to walking a lot: sometimes in the town to see if he can remember people, and sometimes out in the park or near the woods to get away from all the things that just don't seem right. It's during one of those park walks that he spots someone who finally starts ringing a bell and those long legs eat up the distance pretty quickly.

"I know you!"


[open]
While he still doesn't remember so much of this, while he's still suspicious and awkward about so much of the life that's supposedly his, Randel's never been one to shirk when there's a job to do, which was why he'd gone to the animal shelter and gotten to. ...there may have been some time with the kittens, which the other workers hadn't begrudged him, honestly, but then there was work to do. Part of that involved heading out to the grocery store to pick up supplies, to the pet store to pick up other supplies, and the hardware store for a few odds and ends that the other two couldn't provide. There's plenty to do and Randel's actually enjoying himself, getting along well with the volunteers and other employees... and maybe he ends up taking his breaks in the cat cafe just to spend more time with the animals but no one would begrudge him that.

Things are still confusing and he really really doesn't like the signs and some of the more suspicious aspects (like Why Everyone Was In A Car Accident) but he can't see how helping animals and making people feel better could make matters worse. That said, he's keeping his eyes out... and he's keeping his lantern on him at all times.

Comments

[babyhunter]

Clary looked up at Randel with a warm smile. "You need people at the cafe? If you don't mind a part timer I can stop by and help." She'd probably spend most of that time playing with cats or drawing them for practice.

"I don't know." It'd been such a strange black cat.

"Salad? Sure. I haven't eaten since this morning." She'd made herself ramen for breakfast. It wasn't ideal but it had been cheap. Right now she didn't have the money to get actual groceries.

[toten_sie]

"We need people at the shelter," he clarifies, "and it wouldn't hurt to have another person here at the cafes to watch out." He'd been briefed on the situation with the shelter when he'd come in by one of the other workers there and he'd actually planned on looking for someone starting the next day anyway. That it was Clary felt... good. Right.

But just to make sure-

"Here, hold these..." and slowly but surely, he carefully shifted the cats on him to sit by Clary, "and I'll get you something. The menu's on the wall if there's something specific you'd like."

All the salads are single bowl and relatively simple but Randel would tell her that every one was delicious because as he remembered them, they were.

[babyhunter]

"I can help. I don't know everything about animals but I can learn whatever I don't know." Learning was the theme of Clary's life at the moment.

Clary gingerly took the cats, gathering them in her lap. One very brave kitten scaled her shoulder though she didn't seem to mind and gave it time to settle on her shoulder before she turned her head towards the menu. It was a cute little menu and it looked like all of it was more or less safe for Cat's in case they swiped some of the food.

"Oh, can I have a smoothie with it?" It looked good and it was the sort of sweetness that Clary enjoyed. She didn't care for overly sweet drinks.

"Hi, how are you?" She spoke to one of the cats with a smile, running it's fingers over it's head. A few other's were nuzzling her hand, demanding attention while some of the cats merely lost interest and went looking for a sliver of sun to sprawl across.

[toten_sie]

He nods to her request before going over to the small kitchenette to put things together for her; since they were short staffed, he'd volunteered to do some of the food prep. He had to wash up first, obviously, but soon enough the blender was whirring.

Then he was just enjoying watching Clary and the cats play. People showed their best side with animals so often.

[babyhunter]

Clary was focusing more on the cats than she was on Randel. She tried to divide her attention evenly between the felines but there were too many and they all very much loved people. She laughed as the kitten from her shoulders jumped down the front of her blue tank top, falling face first onto another cat.

It was then that she turned, her red hair a little tangled where one of the cats had been playing with it.

"Need any help?" She wasn't the best cook but she wasn't awful. She could make basic things.

[toten_sie]

"It's fine," since he's just putting things from a recipe book into a blender and throwing together a few things that they'd already chopped up. The whole thing was supposed to be relatively easy for only a small number of people to run. Which is why, soon enough, he's heading back over with the tray carefully perched in one hand, placing it on the table for her.

"Unless it's terrible. Then you might want to do it yourself."

[babyhunter]

Clary carefully dislodged the cats and moved over to the table. They seemed to have realized that this wasn't their food because they kept themselves off the table, though one particularly stubborn cat found a perch on Clary's lap as she settled down to eat.

She laughed softly, grabbing the smoothie with a smile. "I am sure it's perfect. I guess you aren't much of a cook?" She wasn't either but she'd mastered the simple things like grilled cheese and ramen noodles.

"So you said you needed help here? It'd be after my art class." She hoped that was okay. "What would I do exactly?"

[toten_sie]

"I'm not good at much of anything, really," he says with a self depreciating smile and a shrug. Which he knows isn't true, not even remotely, but he's not particularly pleased at the one thing he is good at.

"I can cut up vegetables, though. And press a blender button."

And he settles down to take a few of the cats' attention as she starts in on her food. It's a nice reprieve for a moment as he considers the list of things that do need to get done.

"And you'd probably help with cleaning, doing some of the filing, and assisting the vet when they come in. And, of course, with these guys." A pause as he considers. "Are you allergic to dogs?"

Because they take those too. They're just not as easy to handle in this kind of setting.

[babyhunter]

Clary put the smoothie down with a smile. "You're good at this." She waved to the smoothie and salad in front of her. "Besides, one thing my art classes have taught me is that you need to practice at something to be good at it. I am pretty sure that goes for everything." She smiled and began to pick at her salad. After the first bite Clary realized how hungry she was and it was gone within a few short minutes.

The smoothie she drank slower.

"I am not allergic to anything." At least not that she knew of. "And I'd be able to do that. Would it be okay if I sketch some of the cats? It'll help me practice." She liked sketching anything in front of her.

"When does the vet come in?" She asked as she sat back, her smoothie in one hand while she pet the cat on her lap with the other.

[toten_sie]

"We have a vet who comes in on occasion for checkups and special cases," he explains, and it's one of those memories that he has and doesn't have, but he'd been briefed on things when he'd come in. "So it depends on the animals."

"And of course you can sketch." He looks a little confused at the question. "Why shouldn't you?"

[babyhunter]

Clary nodded softly, glancing down at the cat on her lap to offer her a smile before looking back up at Randel. "Ah." Her head canted to the side, her bright green eyes blinking curiously.

"I don't know. It felt right to ask first." She couldn't say why.

Her fingers continued to run along the cat's smooth fur while her other hand took sips of her drink. "Is everything here for the shelter? Like non-profit?"

[toten_sie]

That gets a quick nod.

"Me and the full time employees get a living wage" which some part of his brain balks at, forever, because he's never even seen numbers like that, "but most people here are part time or volunteer and the rest of it all goes into shelter."

He shakes his head firmly.

"I don't... like money." I don't think I deserve money. "I mean. I hope you know what I mean."

[babyhunter]

Clary inspected Randel with a curious gaze. She decided that if she drew him it'd be next to something larger. Yes, he was big but it wasn't his size that she saw. It was that person inside who wished for something softer. The edges of his jacket would be blurred but his features would be in sharp focus. A light would shine on him while other objects in the picture would grow dark or cloudy.

Figuring out how she'd draw something always helped Clary. It brought people into focus and often helped her see things that weren't there.

"I understand. With my mom gone." Her lips tug into a soft frown. "I have to pay for food and everything. So a little bit of money would help." At least her home was being taken care of but Clary's finding that she has to save money wherever she can.

"I don't think people should have to much money but just enough to get by." Since the world sort of ran on money.

[toten_sie]

With my mom gone.

There have been times in this place where meeting people has brought about memories that don't seem real, except for how they do. He's held onto them, mostly because they're of an easier life, a life with friends here, and he's selfish enough to want that even if most of him knows he hasn't earned it. But there are things that bring up older memories, memories that taste of copper and ash, memories that make the scar on his cheek burn like right now and make his mind seem disconnected and hazy. They feel real, like a bayonet to the shoulder (has he felt that? why did he think that?) or like fire in his hands.

A smile that's as playful and sly as it is utterly sincere in it's mirth.

A room full of women dressed in bright, soft clothing, holding his hands, letting him dance with them. They're all so very tall. Or is he small? Nothing burns here.

Until it does.

The name. His mother's name. It's written poorly on an envelope and there's the sting of punishment making his head ache a little but he sees a name, her name.

Kadesh.

He's been frozen the whole time, eyes staring at nothing, but he snaps out of it and gives Clary an apologetic smile.

"I don't have any opinions on how much someone should have. I just think everyone should have enough to live and prosper." A pause as he catches up a little more. "I'm sorry about your mother."

[babyhunter]

Clary watched him as the silence between them stretched from seconds to minutes. She felt the shadows around him darken though she couldn't identify why or the slight change in his expression. It looked unfamiliar, like he was someone else. Her lips tugged into a frown as he focused back on Clary, the room and the cats that continued to paw impatiently at him. They seemed to have noticed the change too though she shrugged it off in the way that cats are known to do.

She didn't know where he had gone too but it felt as if it'd been a very far away place. A place that she couldn't reach.

"Are you okay?" Talking about money felt significantly less important. "Just then. What happened?" It hadn't been her imagination. She knew that something was happening but she didn't know what it was.

[toten_sie]

He'd been about to go back to the topic of the shelter, perhaps discuss what hours would work back to her, but the question sort of blindsides him a little. Is he okay?

No.

Yes, of course. He pushes a smile onto his face, but he doesn't have to push it too far or hold it too long. After a moment, he's able to move away from the darker thoughts and focus on the good ones. His mother's name. He knew his mother's name now. Kadesh. No. Qadesh. Most people pronounced it wrong and she didn't bother correcting them but his father-

His father.

That's a quick trip back into the darkness, into the scent of blood and salt tears and shaking hands. He backs away from that, but not too fast. He manages to catch one more thing: his father was a doctor.

Something to examine later.

The smile wavers for a moment during all that, but then it settles in strong. He's grateful. Even if it hurts, even if it burns, he's grateful to her for giving him that. He has so few things, but he can feel it, the way he clings to that name, to even the painful memories, that the one thing he's had is his past. The people who make it up. His memories of them, even if that's the only place they still live. Maybe that's why he's still willing to hold the other memories; at least they give him more people to care about.

Like Clary. He grins a little brighter at her and it is genuine. There's a silver lining to every cloud, after all.

"You gave me a memory. My mother. My mother's name." His shoulders sink a little, as much with the weight of that as anything else. "Thank you, Clary."

[babyhunter]

Clary's expression softened and a small smile slipped over her lips. "You're welcome. I don't think I did very much." She pointed out with a soft laugh before shaking her head.

"I'm glad though. I don't remember that much about my mom. Except that she looks just like me and is an artist." Everything that Clary recalled about her mother was in reference to herself. She couldn't remember her mothers birthday or her middle name. Not that many kids knew their mothers middle name. Even so, there was so little there, trapped in the blank expanse of her memories.

She tried to recall more details but was met with a dense darkness. She could see her mothers face if she tried hard enough but everything was fuzzy and broken, her skin was marked with lines as if cracked in glass. It didn't make a lot of sense to Clary.

She took another sip of her smoothie to find that the sweet cold drink was gone. "Do you mind telling me some about her? Your mother or at least what you remember?" If not they can go back to talking about schedules but Clary was curious. What could he remember?

[toten_sie]

There's a moment where he almost doesn't, not because he doesn't want to, but because of the signs. His mother, what bits and pieces of her that he's managed to assemble, doesn't fit here, at all. Her life was harder, with sharper edges than he can even imagine here. But he keeps his voice low as he settles back beside Clary.

"Her name was Qadesh. And she was... stern. But she smiled a lot. She and-" and that's where it gets odd, because he remembers calling other women 'mom' but there was always Qadesh, and with her, his father.

He frowns and goes back again.

"She had a joyful smile. And she always had advice to give." Then, almost like he hadn't realized it. "I miss her. But she died..."

Flames. Flames and blood and tears and why does his cheek hurt?

"She died when I was little."

[babyhunter]

Clary's smile fell and she silently cursed herself for asking. There was no way of knowing if a memory was going to be painful and yet she blamed herself for asking. It wasn't any of her business, not really.

"I'm sorry. I can't... imagine." Clary had so few memories of her mother but she knew that it'd always been the two of them. She couldn't imagine losing her mother. Clary's father was a mystery to her. She didn't remember him at all and considering the lack of a masculine touch at her home, she decided that she hadn't wanted to ask.

"I didn't mean to bring it up." She shifted a bit awkwardly, unsure of what else to say.

[toten_sie]

He looks almost startled at her apology, because that was the last thing he wanted from her. He hadn't been lying to her, after all. Well, after the first moment or two. He was happy to have that memory. It made him feel more whole.

"No, don't apologize. It's good to talk about her. It's good to... know her. Share her."

Really, he's not upset. He almost reaches out to reassure her with a hand on hers but draws back at the last moment. He doesn't want to upset her further and his hands aren't exactly the nicest.

"She wouldn't want me to be sad about her. I know that."

[babyhunter]

"Yeah." A light smile touched her lips. "You’re right."

She didn’t know why she was apologizing. It felt like the right thing to say and with it she felt an ache in her chest. Clary had assumed that it was a sympathetic ache, something that reached out to his pain and understood it but how could she? She’s never known what it was like to have her mother missing or dead. Her mother has always been around.

She shook her head and quickly reorganized her thoughts.

"I’m happy to help then. I had tried to draw my mother the other day. If you tell me what yours looked like I can draw her for you." It was something nice she could do and she’d enjoy hearing more about the woman, whatever he could remember.

Clary went few places without a sketchbook of some kind with her.

[toten_sie]

There's a part of him that doubts he can, mostly because he doesn't really have a good picture of her. But there are pieces. Maybe Clary can make something from the pieces.

"Light hair. Wavy. I think I have my father's hair." A pause. "She always wore soft things, bright colors." There's a moment where some of the pieces connect as he reaches for them, and in some ways it's the most discordant thing he's remembered so far to this quaint little town with well-manicured lawns and cute little shops. But he's sure of it. And some part of him thinks he should have problems saying it out loud but he's surprised at his own matter-of-factness when it comes out. No, inside his head, there's nothing shameful or awkward. It's just... a profession someone might have.

"I think because she was a prostitute."

[babyhunter]

Clary was pretty good at working with pieces and as he spoke she took out a small notebook and began to jot down some notes. The last part out of Randel's mouth made her fumble her pencil to the floor.

"A what?" While Clary knew that it was a profession, it was one of those things that people rarely spoke about. It was like wandering into the relight district, you just didn't. She remembered her guy friends talking about dating the girl with the most 'rockin bod' but she always thought that it was them being stupid and chauvinist.

"I mean-" Was there a nice way to talk about it. They were talking about his mother. "Did she love your father or was it more-" She waved a hand between them.

"You know, I realize that I probably shouldn't ask."

She was still going to draw his mom.

[toten_sie]

He doesn't make a fuss as he leans over to pick up the pencil from the floor, careful not to disturb one of the cats that had settled down beside him. He holds it out to her a moment later.

"Prostitute," he repeats easily enough. Nope, no shame here. It's just... normal. Like he's talking about a window cleaner or a shoe salesman. "I don't remember much. But I think they loved one another." A pause. "They knew each other before that, but they fell in love by the time I was born."

He blinks a little at Clary.

"Why shouldn't you ask?" His head shifts a little, referencing his own head with a raise of his eyebrows. "The more you ask, the more I can try to remember."

[babyhunter]

Clary took the pencil and placed it on the table over top of her notebook. She already had an idea of how she'd do it. There would be a lot of fabric in the picture, holding the subject while also accenting the subjects figure. She'd be beautiful but with strong kind eyes like her son.

"That's good." She couldn't help but be a romantic. "I think that people should love each other."

Her cheeks flush a bit.

"I just didn't know if it made you uncomfortable. If not I'd love to hear more but I already have an idea for the drawing. Was she delicate? Thin arms? I imagine her being as big as you but I can't." Clary flashed an honest but awkward smile.