[ She nods at his response, and would continue her nightly routine — the normalcy is something she needs right now, a distraction — but he reaches for her hand, and she doesn't even hesitate. She takes it, squeezes his fingers gently. She's been distracting herself all day, and it hasn't helped. She keeps seeing it, in her mind, feels the stretcher on her back, and she feels herself tense before she can really stop it. The silent request from him isn't lost on her, and she thinks, maybe, it might help. What's the worst that could happen? He jumps on a plane and runs? She's lived through that before (even if she hadn't felt this way about him), she can do it again.
And even if he has his doubts (which she wonders — has wondered ever since their split over the Accords — does he?) about whether or not she trusts him, she doesn't. Wanting to keep her found family together had no basis on whether or not she felt like he was a good man or a good leader. He is. Period. No question. There's a reason people follow Steve Rogers into the jaws of death, and Natasha understands that. But Natasha also sees herself as his equal. She doesn't follow Steve, she walks with him. Even when they disagree. Or maybe even especially when they do. She knows Steve is no stranger to disagreements, but she wonders, sometimes, if he's a stranger to the people he cares about doing so and still staying with him. But then, that assumes she disagrees with him at all, and in her mind, she doesn't.
So she takes his hand and goes when he tugs her close, laying her hands where his neck meets his shoulders, watching his face with an inscrutable expression on her face, unsure, really, of where to even begin. ] I'm sorry.
[ She's not even sure what she's apologizing for, but it feels like it needs to be said. ]
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And even if he has his doubts (which she wonders — has wondered ever since their split over the Accords — does he?) about whether or not she trusts him, she doesn't. Wanting to keep her found family together had no basis on whether or not she felt like he was a good man or a good leader. He is. Period. No question. There's a reason people follow Steve Rogers into the jaws of death, and Natasha understands that. But Natasha also sees herself as his equal. She doesn't follow Steve, she walks with him. Even when they disagree. Or maybe even especially when they do. She knows Steve is no stranger to disagreements, but she wonders, sometimes, if he's a stranger to the people he cares about doing so and still staying with him. But then, that assumes she disagrees with him at all, and in her mind, she doesn't.
So she takes his hand and goes when he tugs her close, laying her hands where his neck meets his shoulders, watching his face with an inscrutable expression on her face, unsure, really, of where to even begin. ] I'm sorry.
[ She's not even sure what she's apologizing for, but it feels like it needs to be said. ]