pineslog | open ✧ a head full of stars, just not in constellation yet

Entry tags:

open ✧ a head full of stars, just not in constellation yet

Who: Jyn & y'all
Where: Home & Around (Go Ask Alice, work, running)
When: June 28-July 3
What: Surprise Jyn's not dead anymore
Warnings: Mentions of past character death in passing

[Open]

--

✧ ʜᴏᴍᴇ & ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴛᴏᴡɴ

Jyn doesn't venture very far that first day -- between Cassian's house and her own is about the size of it -- but once she is home she settles on the front porch with a cup of tea (hot, she doesn't believe in iced tea) and just looks at the town from her porch.

The days following finds her more adventurous, returning to her normal business. She goes back to work with Peter's exterminator business, cleaning up what remains of the carcasses of rodents around town. It's disgusting. She drops in Go Ask Alice for her lemon cookies that she suggests they just rename "Jyn's Lemon Cookies", settling at a table by the window to carefully construct elaborate and downright absurd mathematical puzzles for Mary. Not a single one of them is age appropriate for a seven year old but it doesn't seem to stop Jyn from designing them with what she learned from her father. She starts her daily runs again -- morning and night -- though now she actually does steer clear of the woods, observing the mess of the town as she passes, sneakers pounding against the pavement steadily.

It's business as usual.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Well, you died, sweetie is uncomfortable knowledge to take in but at the same time it's not like it's the first time it's happened to Jyn. No one had told her last time that she'd died, but she'd figured that out on her own. This time the nurses come right out with it with little prompting.

On one hand, thanks. On the other hand, no thanks.

This time Jyn has her clothes with her, neatly folded on the visitor's chair, and she yanks them on quickly, even as the nurse is cheerfully telling her that her friend brought them over while she was out. She doesn't miss the emphasis on friend. She does, however, ignore it.

Once she's dressed, Jyn heads out of the hospital, blinking into the sunlight and dragging a hand through her hair, wishing for something to tie it up with. Instead it remains down as she stops just outside the doors, watching Cassian heading toward her at the same time. Of course he's here.

Edited 2017-06-28 04:08 (UTC)

Junyoung called him when Jyn appeared in her room, and Cassian made himself obnoxious enough just to get her a change of clothes into her room; after that, he's back to where he'd been when his roommate had extended the offer six days prior. That is, pacing the parking lot, looking as though a cigarette hanging from between his lips would not be amiss.

Yet even with that obvious nervous energy Cassian's hands stay in his pockets, his eyes level. There's no twitching, no fidgeting, and when the doors open and Jyn steps out, he simply reorients himself to head her way.

His eyes move even when the rest of him remains painfully still, a week of stress and distress, of bad sleep and what-ifs have taken their toll. He looks tired, he's sure. He honestly feels worse than tired.

Not that it matters. "Hey, Jyn. How do you feel?"

There he is, waiting for her. Looking like he's been waiting for her the whole time, lines settled into his weary face, shadows like bruises under his eyes, but he's still the most beautiful man she's ever known, and something in her settles. None of this is right, not this place, not somehow being alive, not even being mixed up with people from a future they were never going to get to live.

But striding over to him, Jyn doesn't care. One thing is right.

She doesn't answer as she approaches, doesn't say anything at all, barely slowing down until she is right in front of him. Her hands fly to his face, warm and alive, and she presses her mouth to his, eager and insistent and ungraceful, releasing an eternity of tension, fear, and loss in its wake. What a rare new pleasure, to simply exist without the crush of war surrounding them, to have time again. Time she had wasted before now.

The bristles of new beard on his cheeks makes a wobbly smile settle on her expression when she draws back, breathing in the familiarity of his embrace. "I'm sorry."

He wouldn't call it shock, exactly, the feeling that overtakes him when she reaches up towards his face. More like an acceptance that had steeped into his bones at some point and radiated outwards. He doesn't expect her to kiss him, but it only take a blink for him to get with the program on that front, so Cassian's hands end up at the small of Jyn's back and he's breathing a little heavier than he was before she started by the time she pulls away.

There's no shame in pressing his lips together with a thin sort of smile in response to her wobbly one and immediately folding himself into her, bending down and pressing her close as his face hides in the crook of her neck.

"You're forgiven." He doesn't even know what, exactly, she's apologizing for and in all honesty he'd been bracing himself for another round of 'I'm fine, we're dead, I'm fine' so. It hits him in the chest, a bit, and the next breath he takes in shakes a little.

The scruff of his in need of a shave beard tickles her skin when he buries his face against her neck and Jyn can't help the breath of a laugh that escapes as her arms curl around his back, one hand tangling through his hair, cradling the back of his neck. She can feel the crystal of her necklace crushed between them, and again she is struck with the memory of their embrace on Scarif.

This is better.

It's always better, but this is better.

Even though they're in public and Jyn is vehemently opposed to any kind of public display of affection, she doesn't make any effort to put a stop to this, holding on as if for dear life. "Thanks for my clothes."

"Medical gowns aren't flattering in this culture. In most cultures, actually." It's meant to be an easy thing, a throwaway comment, but. Her hands are cold, they are always cold, and against the back of his neck and up into his hair and so maybe because of that or maybe entirely unrelated to it, his voice is rough and catches at the end of the sentence. "It never stopped me from leaving, but there were definitely times I wished someone had enabled me just a little," he adds, because he doesn't want to leave it at his sad excuse for a story and he's not sure when is a good time to share odd windows into the lives they have now managed to outlive.

Kay had been of the opinion that Cassian needed to spend more time in medical facilities, not less.

Cassian's face hasn't managed to move from it's current position against her neck except to allow him to speak and breathe without too much of a struggle, but after another good half a minute he has to bring himself to full height again - his spine is an unhappy bit of bones at the moment.

"Do you want an update?" He takes a breath and shakes his head just a little. "I understand if you don't, but." You know me goes unspoken. A spy doesn't stop gathering information just because the warzone is unfamiliar.

Silence isn't unusual from Jyn, her utter lack of answer when he is still curled around her and warm and alive and reminding her that she is cold and alive is not a cause for worry. Sometimes she doesn't answer direct questions. She does hum a little noise to indicate she's still listening, somehow making it sound grateful. She is, very thankful she didn't have to walk home in a hospital gown.

But then he's pulling away and even if he doesn't go particularly far, she misses the warmth of him immediately.

At his question, she shakes her head, matching him. An update can wait. If anyone else died she doesn't want to know right now, she doesn't want to be useful or productive or helpful. For a few brief moments she just wants to live without obligations or threats or fear.

"Can I say something first?"

Cassian's arms are somewhat situated near her waist and he doesn't really want to let go, the same way in which he didn't really want to put her down, the day that he kissed her the first time. If things were closer to perfect, he thinks, they could just go somewhere warm, and quiet, and he could catch up on missed sleep in snatches, waking up to her there, cold toes and all.

There are a lot of steps, literal and figurative, to that point and each one is one more than he'd had with her yesterday so he's just gonna...he'll be okay.

He nods, a little too sharp, and swallows. Jyn usually just says things, or says nothing. He's not sure he's ever heard her ask permission before.

"Yes."

Once she has his full attention, she finds she doesn't want it -- it's too much attention and she squirms uncomfortably before stepping out of his arms and instead taking his hand. They can walk and talk.

She's quiet as they pass a handful of shops on the way home, Jyn giving the aftermath of the attack far more attention than it deserves. This kind of destruction is what she's used to. Hollowed out homes, deserted businesses, bloodstains on the street, that is just life in the galaxy under Imperial control. Nothing strikes her as particularly out of place which is oddly comforting.

It's a shame that she's comforted by the familiarity of war.

The silence is too long to be fair to Cassian, she can feel his brain working next to her as they walk and so she steps the the side, pulling him with her against the shadowy side of a building.

Just looking up at him in the shade is enough to pull a muted smile free from her always solemn mouth and something settles in her shoulders. "I love you, too."

He's certain that whatever she intends to say likely is not some variation on 'go away', considering...well, considering that she's holding his hand even as his brain is trying to fill the silence with any number of other ideas. Half of them are dismissed as improbable, because they directly relate to things she's probably not aware of (Poe moving in with him, Dr. Rousseau and her "revelations", Caroline in a coma), another quarter dismissed as unlikely due to disconnect to the current reality, and then?

He tosses the entire idea out. Cassian has never been good at predicting the future in specifics when it comes to Jyn, or mindreading in general. And he's obsessing, it's probably not a good look.

Fortunately Jyn saves him from finding another thing to obsess about in the silence, pulling him aside as he raises his eyebrows. Her smiles are so small, he thinks, and wonders if it is a blessing or a curse to not have been given the memories of a fake, happy life here.

"Oh." Okay, terrible answer. Start again. Ignore the fact that your ears are on fire, it feels like. "I'm glad the feeling is mutual." Obviously. He squeezes her hand and brings it up to his lip to kiss the back of it.

"Does this mean I get to kiss you in front of other people?" He can even promise not to be ridiculous about it.

Cassian's surprise actually makes Jyn's smile widen, a burst of mirth because she knows that in a few moments he's going to realize that Jyn had somehow translated what he'd told her weeks ago. The surprise itself isn't unreasonable: he'd said it in Spanish and he'd said it two weeks ago, it would surprise anyone to finally have the sentiment returned.

"No, it does not mean you get to kiss me in front of other people," she protests, a breath of a laugh as she pulls him closer, feeling her heart flutter helplessly at the imprint of his lips against her knuckles.

"Well." Her head tips to the side, considering. "Maybe if the people aren't nearby." Like now. He can kiss her again right now. Maybe he can kiss her at work or in front of Elsa and Poe, things like that. She's willing to negotiate. Baby steps.

Cassian makes a bit of a show of leaning away to look left, than right, as if concerned there might be eavesdroppers or peeping toms about. As if either of them needed to crane themselves around for several full seconds to get an impression of the area.

"No one's nearby right now," he informs her helpfully with his own matching grin. Which means he can't be blamed if he goes in for another kiss, right? That's the logic and he's sticking to it.

It's soft and quick because he's decided, right now in this moment, that he wants to kiss her entire face until she laughs, or pushes him away, or hopefully both.

(Also because he didn't before, and Cassian is good at fostering regrets for the things he didn't do.)

The more he looks around, the wider her smile, entirely amused with his antics and then he is kissing her, peppering them across her face and even if she wanted to, she can't contain the laughter that escapes her as his beard tickles her skin.

"Captain Andor!" She does shove him away, but not hard enough to make him go anywhere, smile spread wide across her face. She was dead probably only a couple of hours ago but that doesn't seem to bother her, looking so impossibly happy.

After pushing him away, she reels him right back in, fingers clutching his shirt. "You look happy."

"Miss Erso," he replies, because calling her by rank would make her sullen and remind her of all they've lost, and he's putting that off for as long as possible.

Also, she's smiling, and he doesn't get to see that as often.

"I am happy." That's true, actually. He's happier than he's been in a while. Jyn is here, she loves him, and they're alive.

Everything else is a lot more complicated, but there they have it. "Are you happy? You look happy."

"I am happy," she echoes, even if the feeling is practically foreign. Even if they're still trapped on some strange backwater prison planet, even if they're dead, even if finding away out of this means Jyn and Cassian die again... Right now, with her back against a wall and Cassian caught in front of her, she's very happy.

She had thought, on the beach in Scarif, that if they'd had time... Now they have time and it's still a little too much for her, but she's grateful that she was right. Across galaxies and universes and time itself.

Suck it, Empire.

"Poe is going to be impossible, you realize that, don't you?"

"Good," is Cassian's reply to that, both her being happy and Poe being impossible; the latter has been rooting for them since the moment he met them, Cassian is pretty sure, and unlike Jyn? Cassian hasn't had to defend his position to anyone this whole time.

So he's less put out by the idea as a whole. In general.

It's nice to have something about himself he doesn't have to hide, by definition.

He leans in and kisses her again, still soft; his hair has started to curl into his face and he huffs, after, reaching up to push it away from his brow.

"What do you want to do now?"

Um, she wants to keep kissing him, actually, sighing against his mouth. Her eyes stay closed a handful of moments after he draws back and she doesn't try to hide the stupid look on her face.

She should probably offer something to do.

"You need a hair cut." That's what they can do. He hasn't dealt with his hair since he'd arrived and combined with the overgrowth of his grief beard, he's starting to resemble a hobo. It's still very attractive, but also he needs a hair cut. "They use scissors here too, right?"

He's rather fond of that 'stupid look', okay? No one has ever looked that way because of him, and he dives back in for another kiss because he can't help it.

"I do need a hair cut," he answers when he pulls away again, because he can't lie about that. It's a hot mess and he knows it. "I also need to shave. I don't think they have laser knives or anything like that." Not that he wouldn't trust her with them if they did, but. "So scissors it is."

Look at the two of them, making out like teenagers on the street. There's probably an ordinance about that.

Jyn very faintly remembers her mother cutting her father's hair in the grass outside their house on Lah'mu, before Galen has decided to grow it out. Lyra had cut Jyn's hair also, and she was no doubt far more difficult to keep still, but Jyn doesn't remember any of those moments. She's sure the can manage trimming Cassian's hair. She won't mention that she used to cut her hair with Saw's knife like a fucking barbarian.

"I can do it." She stretches up and kisses his chin, nose crinkling up as that hobo grief beard tickles her nose. "If you'd like."

There probably was, but #fuckthepolice.

Also he wouldn't be at all surprised if she used knives to cut her own hair. It seems like a very Jyn thing to do. As it is, Cassian's mouth does a small, twitchy thing, because his face is unused to smiling for real and the muscles feel funny and it's like every physical sensation he normally has around Jyn is amped up, coating his exhaustion like a chocolate shell.

Or something.

"I'd like that." He nods. He kisses her again. "We need to get going or I'll stand here all day."

Contrary to Jyn's aversion to PDA, she doesn't think she'd mind if they spent the rest of the day here. She hums an agreement against his mouth anyway. Yes, they should get going. They should not loiter kissing even if the idea of moving is too much.

"Yeah." With a gentle shove, she nudges him back enough to slip out and take his hand again. "It's strange, but I'm still tired." She's been out for a week, she has no reason to be tired, except maybe the stress of her entire life catching up to her.

"Home? You can update me now."

"Alright." Home it is, then, which gives him a good segue into bringing her up to speed. He makes sure not to walk too fast, letting her set the pace, but their connected hands do swing a bit of an arch between them.

"Personal: I moved Poe in with me. He lives in the extra room now." He'd been more or less unofficially there, but now it was settled. "Caroline got hit with one of the bullets for the...strangely evolved humans and is in a coma."

Both of her favorite men in town in one house, that's good. Caroline's in a coma, that's bad. Her mouth turns down into a frown, forehead wrinkling in concern.

"Poe must be a wreck." Cassian himself looks like he hasn't sleep in days and she knows that he keeps so much inside just like she does, but Poe is the opposite of them: buoyant and effusive and irritatingly share-y. Not to mention how conflicted his feelings for Caroline already are.

Aside from that though, "How is she still alive? Those bullets were taking them down when it wasn't even a kill shot."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

open ✧ a head full of stars, just not in constellation yet

✧ ʜᴏᴍᴇ & ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴛᴏᴡɴ

cassian ( closed )

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject